May 16, 2006
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Real Talk Pt.1
Waddup World & hello Journal,been on a many “hiatus” but I’m back.Today….I’d have to say it was one of the most Productive yet un-satisfactory days I’ve had in a LoNg time. Its Crazy…..they say alchohal clouds your judgement but dilutes your soul so in actuality through certain aspects you think clear as ever….I guess it could be the same with the drug call love. I got alot accomplished this morning/afternoon.Went with Clarence to get my new Social Security Card & got free lunch.Then I came home & finished up the yard.Took a lil nap & got 2 work on laundry and my room which took & hot minute. I’ve decided to give quickstar & my own business a rest for now.Realistically speaking If I follwed the set “plan” or Matrix on how to succeed in the business I would have invested atleast 425$ before I left for basic training & at the max would only see a 100$ or so return & thats IF I could get six people recruited.Sounds good for later but definitly not now.It looked as if things with Finishline and management were lookin down but unexpectedly there’s a spot open for the 3rd key at EB so Who knows what will happen.I’ve already decided If I don’t get enough money I won’t do it….Period.I’ve busted my ass to long to be continuly misguided & mistreated by people. Me & Love are well as ever although as we grow our opinions & viewpoints are seeming 2 clash & have diversity.Nothin 2 worry I don’t think.I’m sporadic at times when it comes to how I spend my time & I that seems to be a problem when she expects to see me.I don’t understand some things on her part but there better left unspoken until we speak personally.She’s still dreamy…..the rest will have to wait until July 11th…..Before I leave the house earlier that afternoon I get a call from marcus stating his side of the breakup with Talina & basically how he feels,how he’s handling it & life in general.Ironically I end up spending the evening with Talina,Tierra,Alex & some otha peoples ova curt’s house.Every1 drinks except me(by choice) & we end up there until 1:30 & no1′s tryna leave(Cause no1 has to work in the morning expept me).It hurts to have someone I care for so much hurt the way she does.When your Emotionally stressed,spiritually worn out & Mentally weakining by the day it wears off on the ones closest to you.Me being who I am I Absorb all of it cause I’m here for the benefit of others.As I drove her home & cried inside 4 all those who deal with depression on a serious level cause I to went thru that phase.Its not a joke nore do I take it lightly.The more I think about myself & how I’ve grown the more I realize I don’t like 2 disagree with people.I think thats why Its so hard 4me 2 express how I TRULY feel towards some subjects,cause I jus kno its not what people wanna hear.I guess if they feel the liberty & freedom to tell me how they feel things then so should I……It jus hurts me 2 so many people close to me either Succeeding like they never have before or hurting like they never had before.Its diffrent when everythings up oor down but when ther’re both its confusing,tiresom & jus draining.I pray all will be well…..I’ve really gotten tired of pressing over the little and even “medium” things cause as My time comes closer to leave I realize more & more how Happy I wanna remember me being when times get hard in the military. Although I’ve researched & explored the various aspects of me gettin out the military I think Unless I had to I wouldn’t jus cause I was lead to this,It really wasn’t a choice until afterr the fact.I jus wanna kick back,relax & let the good times role cause I’ll have plenty of time to stress,think irrationlly & un-positive & worry.Right now I jus wanna do me & all that basically consist of is smiling & enjoying whatever bit of happiness or content that god would bring my way.I’ve talked enough cause I actually have 2 be at work in 4 hours but I HAD 2 vent cause with a day like this one theres no way I couldn’t have come in told u about.Hello Morning & Goodbye the sorrow & un satisfaction of yesterday.Never again shale I let you take grasp of mind nore spirit for god is good & has strengthened my way to long for somethin as small and minute as misery to ruin a perfectly goodday.Davy bka Chadwick~
P.S. Mothers Day was Superb and so was my weekend.
