July 22, 2007
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Its now 315 or so and I’ve just returned home….The last week or so has been a complete blast and I’m so glad I’ve been able to see everyone and enjoy some downtime.I’ll apolagize in advance if from now on if u see me I won’t be the same….but why should I?I mean I’m Not.I’m not the same guy anymore….no matter how you put it…so STOP expecting that from me.You keep asking me whats wrong and swear you want me to “vent” like that will actually help anything but it won’t.IRAQ is were i’m goin,tell momma i’ll be gone till november and pray thats all I ask….How I feel and what do i expect have nothing to do with it and will not make anything any easier on me….Hate to be rude about it but your counting down days back to school while somedays I feel like i’m counting down to my death…Extreme?! Yeh…Maybe its not the serious but in actuality it is.I’ll be forced to wear damn near 50pounds of bulletbrook gear and water source in 110+ degree weather while you complain about over taning so don’t talk to me like we’re alike because we’re not.Yes I signed up for this but All i’m saying is doesn’t make things any easier…Then THEY won’t get out my mind…like seriously.She won’t but its cool,but weird….Like its worst than the 1st time and the 1st time was pretty bad lol.But hopefully we’ll talk 2morrow.She doesn’t realize its over…like she shitted on me twice and i’ll be damned if theres a third.I guess somehow me and Talina as well as others are officially growing apart whether we like it or not.I’d like to say I tried to mend and get together on the matter but to no avail…..by time she’s ready to talk I’ll be GOne….FUCK I feel so stupid in 3second intervals on some automated traffic signal shit…. like why did I do this to self but then i think of my “cause”, my “country” and my “contribuation” but It seems I’ve lost alot…ALOT to get to a place where it seems things are still just as confusing,misguided and undependable….As my Uncle and my boss I guess i would expect a little more from Sam but you live and you learn…I’m prolly just trippen cause I realize its crunchtime/Shotime and theres not much else i can do about it so i guess I’m on my Nike shit…..Just Do it…
I’m Resting Now….Thoughts racing and my heart is smiling while its crying. My lungs arn’t working cause my Eyes are doin all the breathing around me….i don’t wanna leave….I KNEW I shouldn’t have returned cause something like this would happen but its twice as bad as I thought so now all i can try to do is do the right thing…..Thanks everyone who made this possible…
