(sited from dictionary.com) it states the definition of happiness is “a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy”.Such as Love,Friendship and various other things I leave I beg to differ with this definition jus based on the fact that everyone reacts different towards them whether it is their opinion,beliefs or there simple notion to acknowledge it or not.Everyone i’m sure believes in these things but jus the same everyone has there on perceptions on how they feel towards them….with that being said I belive sometimes u have to proclaim yourself as happy….even when your not.The key to smiling ininspite of what you go thru is simply having faith and realizing things will get better one day.That being my personal opinion I expect onone to like it nore obey it but I guess it would be nice if people respected it.Talking to no one in particular but this has been on my mind nearly all day and I figured it would be an interesting journal entry.As far as my day went it was well…….LONG but well.Went aroun shortpump to bowl after I got off and now i’m here Life is OKAY,could be alot better but yet I smile and expect nothing but good things for that is what I need to come my way…definitly  until we speak again I’m ghost for the evening….

19 

Everythings good….Jus figured I’d write it down incase I forget sometime soon Longday ahead so i’m ghost till then……Goodbye night & hello sunshine

for those who care to know all is well in the realm of the living and blessed.as my time comes closer for me to leave I notice how peoples personas and character have changed in certain areas but all I can do is observe and pray all will be well in the future.my moms always taught me to live life independantly no matter how many people I know.I could live life jus as well as the nex social outcast but I choose not to cause that’s not me.if it came to it I would….less than 2weeks left at finishline and I’m very excited hyet sad to leave my ‘mall-fam’.I swear the days get shorter and shorter as my time approaches to leave…I hope this expeditious timeframe persist thru basic so I can come home and show everyone how much I’ve grown I guess I won’t be speaking with love tonight so ill just tell you goodnight LoL.were pretty good,both of us are jus living life…I won’t comment on it anymore than that.I jus take it for what it is cause its to the point not much is as it seems anymore so all I can do is stay positive & strive for the best.I’m bout 2 rest so ill ttyl fam~

Some things are better left unsaid.Officially back to business… Thanks for those who’ve been here for me and more thanks for those who weren’t.This time 2morro I’ll be a graduate and only have 1 more thing to wait for…….and i’m definitly not talkin about the army -laughs-

June 6thm 7:11
Despite my efforts I’ve slowly become less dependant towards people 4 happiness…..Its quite refreshing to write my feelings down & let them be judged by canvas instead of concerns or convictions.I realize more than ever that I Love her yet it seems things are still uneasy between as a whole.My mom called me 2day jus to say “hi”.I think after lasnight we’ve grown closer.Maybe something of the same stature will happen between me & parker…….Life is good despite what others say or think.God is good & he’s a pretty cool guy the more I think about it.I’m goin 2 see V for Vendetta again so ill talk 2ya 2night….

June 6 11:52-Officially now I’ve seen my favorite movie twice.Officially I saw love 2day a we’ve acknowledged certain criteria & mis-comprehensions between ourselves & similar situations that pertain us as a whole.I Officially feel the true essence and meaning of love in my life again & I officially feel the pain and anguish as well as the pleasure and astonishment that comes along with it.I’m officially reckognized as the person I am on a more regular basis and not the persona or misconception that goes along with my outer appearence.I don’t have 2 wake in the mornin so mostlikely I will rest and enjoy leasure time…..I’m Officially regaining my joy for the simple fact me and Love are both working towards getting things on the right track.Its hurts to think of what may become of the future but I guess that’s jus life…..I smile inspite of what I endure & go through because I keep in the forfront of my mind that it always could be better but even more it definitly could be worse.I look forward to the day I leave yet even more I fear & coward as it approaches.Guess nothing is ever as it seems but when I think about life in general when is all as it seems? All in all I’m living a good life and I couldn’t complain unless I chose 2 be ignorant and selfish at the moment.Tonight I will take the long way home as I admire the vivid city lights & all its glory and splender.Thanx for being here as u have 4 without I would most likely be nowhere near as centered as I am 2day.
Davy bka chadwick~

*Definitions from Self*
*Detachment- Used when necessary 2 compose oneself for personal or mandatory purposes.
*Compromise-That’s all life really is all in all.Whether “working it out” or “giving & taking” its all the same but necessary none the less
*Ackowledgement-Used at best & most effective when somethin concerning or traumatic happens although it can still be defined as “good” in the presence of a problem due to the fact that “admitting” is always the 1st step

~I swear today was one of the craziest ever emotionally.Love is taking her toll on me…..I actually broke down.I guess so much been on my plate as of late I jus had 2 drop.What makes it hurt even more is the person that’s been the closest to me as of late now seems the farthest away….Its hurting cause of all the times things seem to go downhill is when I’m about 2 transition.It seems we’re never on the exact samepage & wheneva somethin is goin towards that happenin stuff gets messed up.Maybe its jus her way of dealing whatever she may be goin thru on her side of the fence but either I’m not happy nore “content” with our current status and if this is the way things have to be the only god would know what will become of us.
Me and moms talked a goodwhile this evening.Its one of the most in-depth convo’s we’ve ever had….It was cool tho cause she reckognized me as an adult & it felt good.I REALLY should be asleep about now but all this inside was keepin me up so hopefully now that I’ve vented I can drift back 2 slumber…..the only place where all is well yet nothin appears as it should but its ok….until we speak Again I’m gone……

(In the absense of internet I jus wrote on my sidekick and transferred it ova)

June 4th 12:25am
Tonight I was led to a path of reflection & inner thought like none other & it was astonishing.I looked back at a lot……the good times…..the bad ones. People who strongly affected my life & people who did minor corrections that still impact me till this day.Its weird 2 think but the closer I get 2 starting my legacy of adulthood the more I realize that possibility of me being placed on this earth 4 something more than self appeals to me and intrigues me.I struggle on the regular why I don’t “fit in” like I wanna & even more why I’m such a “socialite” yet such an introvert at times….
Me,curt,Chris & landon went 2 see V for Vendetta which is now officially my fav. Movie.This movie hit so close 2 home jus cause its so realistically possible in almost every aspect.Its scary 2 think but true none the less & what makes the story even hotter is the simple fact that the moral could just as well be a slogan for life.I really feel inspired 2 live to the fullest no matter what jus 4 the simple fact the way the world is goin these days I couldn’t see any logical reason not 2.I swear this would be twice as long but I’m tired so ill jus talk 2ya 2morra
Davy~

June 4 1:04am
After tryin 2 sleep for last 20 mins oddly enough I can’t.I feel indifferent all of a sudden….about what lord knows.Life is good & god is great so I really can’t figure out the problem so I guess Ill write until I can fall asleep…I am in no physical pain or anguish so apperently internally I am hurting because I suddenly find myself in tears feeling weak at doughtfull.Why? I can’t complain & have no reason to even if I could for god is good….He brought curt in my life at a time when I needed a mentor,big brother of the sort & by time I knew I was a member of SPBC and Curts Right Hand Man.Its hard sometimes to live for the future when the past was so good cause as humans we tend reminese….I look around all the time & catch myself in a memory of a yesterday & many tiimes miss my opportunities to plan for tomorrow.I jus have a hard time copin with failing andfurthermore the sense of “regret”.I guess my true vendetta with the future is that I can’t drop the feeling that the past was better.What makes it even harder 2 adjust is I don’t have as many present or plentiful as ones from long ago.Iguess the only remody would be 2 live life to the fullest like before & await similar results.I feel myself driftting off & I really have 2 meet Talina in the morn for church so I’m officially MIA this evening…
June 4th 155Pm
Church was EXCELLANT.I definitly can agree with self growth & encouragement.I called love earlier but no answer  so I guess she was busy…..Its weird cause slowly but steadily we’ve began to stop communicating.Not jus “talkin” but how we speak & interpret eachother is jus weird nowadays.I the goodtimes are few and between 4now….I had a long talk with Talina 2day.I’m glad we’re close cause her,Ray,curt and doug are the ones that have held me and kept me close the last 2years.As each day gets closer 4me 2 leave I realize how people and things in general are changing aroun me.I wonder is it me?Many things in life remain unclear until the aftermath and sometimes even further down the road.I guess the old saying “hindsight is 20/20″ couldn’t be more true.I guess Ill eat & chill until I gotta bowl so until 2night goodbye…..

Good afternoon.I dunno if I’m changing or my surroundings are but alot seems unfamiliar and inconsistant now a days.Not really complaing but definitly a concern cause as humans we are habitual creatures(or atleast 95%) so when habits,tendecies & regular routine is broken many have a difficult time adjusting to it.Me on the other don’t reallt have a dificulty adjusting,but I definitly don’t like 2 adept at certain points of things.I guess if I could control all I wanted 2 then the world would be alot better place but all is well.Lasnight the old crew came thru & we played 360 till about 4 in the morn.I was fun jus havin all of us together like the good old days.I miss those….Me and love are still together…its funny cause she’s the only person besides my mom who can make me smile yet make me frown but all in all I still Love.Guess thats a sign for future entries but nothin is promised now-a-days.I’ve come to the conclusion in the event of my death in the military I don’t wanna have a big funeral cause It would hurt many around me….with that being said I will be all I can be and do all I can do to stay alive & keep fighting cause I refuse to hurt anyone close to me with something I have minimal control over.My moms gettin better,it makes me smile when she’s havin a good day cause I kno shes pain free & thats good.Me and parker are doin pretty well.I see more than ever the unspoken care he has for me cause lately thru his speech and body language I can feel the love leekin out LoL but its cool.I’m REALLY gonna miss those close to me when I leave.Its weird cause I long for this moment of happiness and peace to never end yet day by day I get more anxious to leave and challenge & prove myself for my country.I’ve contemplated backing out many times thru testimonies & facts presented 2me but I also have decided that will NoT happen jus cause I thought & prayed to long and hard to turn back now.”Don’t run from adversity,instead face it and conquer”.I find myself angry and confused as of late cause I try to reach out to certain people yet they show no concern or care for me when I do & as a consequence those who are reaching for end up on the short side of the stick so now I’m focusing on those who focus on me.Times to short and lifes to good to jus stand…I go back bowling next week!!! Its been awhile I kno I’m rusty but I’ma have to get over it LoL.I can’t wait till nex week cause I will officially graduate . I’ve been waiten all year and I’m finally here.All in all life is good & all is well,I wouldn’t agree that things are perfect but thinking about it why should they?I guess I should get back to work cause this house is a mess but I jus wanted to vent & express How I’m feelin at the moment since everyone else is so busy LoL. Till the next we speak I’m ghost.~

Waddup World & hello Journal,been on a many “hiatus” but I’m back.Today….I’d have to say it was one of the most Productive yet un-satisfactory days I’ve had in a LoNg time. Its Crazy…..they say alchohal clouds your judgement but dilutes your soul so in actuality through certain aspects you think clear as ever….I guess it could be the same with the drug call love. I got alot accomplished this morning/afternoon.Went with Clarence to get my new Social Security Card & got free lunch.Then I came home & finished up the yard.Took a lil nap & got 2 work on laundry and my room which took & hot minute. I’ve decided to give quickstar & my own business a rest for now.Realistically speaking If I follwed the set “plan” or Matrix on how to succeed in the business I would have invested atleast 425$ before I left for basic training & at the max would only see a 100$ or so return & thats IF I could get six people recruited.Sounds good for later but definitly not now.It looked as if things with Finishline and management were lookin down but unexpectedly there’s a spot open for the 3rd key at EB so Who knows what will happen.I’ve already decided If I don’t get enough money I won’t do it….Period.I’ve busted my ass to long to be continuly misguided & mistreated by people. Me & Love are well as ever although as we grow our opinions & viewpoints are seeming 2 clash & have diversity.Nothin 2 worry I don’t think.I’m sporadic at times when it comes to how I spend my time & I that seems to be a problem when she expects to see me.I don’t understand some things on her part but there better left unspoken until we speak personally.She’s still dreamy…..the rest will have to wait until July 11th…..Before I leave the house earlier that afternoon I get a call from marcus stating his side of the breakup with Talina & basically how he feels,how he’s handling it & life in general.Ironically I end up spending the evening with Talina,Tierra,Alex & some otha peoples ova curt’s house.Every1 drinks except me(by choice) & we end up there until 1:30 & no1′s tryna leave(Cause no1 has to work in the morning expept me).It hurts to have someone I care for so much hurt the way she does.When your Emotionally stressed,spiritually worn out & Mentally weakining by the day it wears off on the ones closest to you.Me being who I am I Absorb all of it cause I’m here for the benefit of others.As I drove her home & cried inside 4 all those who deal with depression on a serious level cause I to went thru that phase.Its not a joke nore do I take it lightly.The more I think about myself & how I’ve grown the more I realize I don’t like 2 disagree with people.I think thats why Its so hard 4me 2 express how I TRULY feel towards some subjects,cause I jus kno its not what people wanna hear.I guess if they feel the liberty & freedom to tell me how they feel things then so should I……It jus hurts me 2 so many people close to me either Succeeding like they never have before or hurting like they never had before.Its diffrent when everythings up oor down but when ther’re both its confusing,tiresom & jus draining.I pray all will be well…..I’ve really gotten tired of pressing over the little and even “medium” things cause as My time comes closer to leave I realize more & more how Happy I wanna remember me being when times get hard in the military. Although I’ve researched & explored the various aspects of me gettin out the military I think Unless I had to I wouldn’t jus cause I was lead to this,It really wasn’t a choice until afterr the fact.I jus wanna kick back,relax & let the good times role cause I’ll have plenty of time to stress,think irrationlly & un-positive & worry.Right now I jus wanna do me  & all that basically consist of is smiling & enjoying whatever bit of happiness or content that god would bring my way.I’ve talked enough cause I actually have 2 be at work in 4 hours but I HAD 2 vent cause with a day like this one theres no way I couldn’t have come in told u about.Hello Morning & Goodbye the sorrow & un satisfaction of yesterday.Never again shale I let you take grasp of mind nore spirit for god is good & has strengthened my way to long for somethin as small and minute as misery to ruin a perfectly goodday.Davy bka Chadwick~

P.S. Mothers Day was Superb and so was my weekend.

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Kinda Confused but yet content with the way things are.FINALLY completed my assistant management traing  Got promoted to Private 1stClass thanx 2 Clarence Went with Talina to Bw3s and ended up 3 seats down from Clinton Portis of the Washington Redskins.Pretty Fly Guy(I commented him on his outfit LoL)Chilled wit Love today.She’s confusing sometimes….but together we will remain cause thats my otha half 4 the moment.Period Life’s knockin at my door with depression, negativity and str8 neglagence again but I will overcome and keep on pushin cause thats what i’m made to do.Its hard 4 me 2 vent sometimes cause I feel like I’m always bein watched.I’m scared of bein judged or wrongly accused.I Don’t like bein viewed the wrong way.I hate it when people assume and end up being tottally wrong.THATS why i’m so insecure T. But I have to grow above like all otha things not exceptional with life cause thats the only way i’ll beable to overcome without having to succomb.Gotta open the store so I’m Ghost~ Hello Morning